Sometimes I write about a future love ...

Sometimes I write about a future love. Someone who is existing now in this world. Maybe he is loved by a girl. Maybe he loves her back. Maybe, like me he is alone. 

I write away some of the loneliness by writing to him, or about him. I don’t write because of the loneliness, mostly because the loneliness is just about being a human. There isn’t an easy cure. Some people stay busy, some people deny it. Some people stare it in the face and move on with their days. Some people acknowledge that loneliness is something that you can over come with determination. 

However, we all need someone. Someones. Plural. I have love. I have self love, I have love from wonderful amazing women. I have love from my parents, and my siblings. I have people that love me.  

I know that there is a man, as flawed as I am, that I will meet, someday, and we will give it a go. It being love. 

Until then. I will write. And, one day I will share all these rambling prose to him. Maybe he’s already reading them. Maybe he has no idea. 

Maybe. 

Until then, I write. Not for him, but for me. And, a little bit for you reading this. 

(via)

In-tune

There are days where you feel more in-tune with things. It could be your relationships, friendships, academics — but for me I feel more in-tune to the feeling of complete thankfulness. 

I am graced with the presence of the loving Father daily. Some days I don’t acknowledge it and neglect to praise Him, it’s because of my selfish heart that I think I created my awesome self, with success and family and where I am in life. (How dare I?) When in fact I should be thanking the One who created me, the One who gave me opportunities, and who pours out grace upon grace on me. 

I forget it and am blinded by my selfishness. 

The past few days or so I have been asking Him to reveal Himself to me more, help open up my eyes to the things unseen — and sweet mercy! He surely has. I’ve been wearing a joyful heart, and not out of forcing myself to, but because I honestly am thankful. I am provided with so much joy from Him, it makes my heart almost burst. (I am not crazy, am I — please tell me others experience this?) 

It seems as though saying thank you is not enough. Surely the God of the Universe deserves so much more. But He knows my heart, He knows me. All I can do is live for Him, pray continually, give praise, and love the people He created. 

Simply, thankful.

Dear you,

I’ve done you a great disservice.

I kind of gave up on you, for a little while, I’ll admit that.

You know things go so well for a while, or in my case for three years, and you just think things are figured out. Really, I was naive to think I had it figured out, but I did.

I was going to marry him, I told myself and that’s what he told me. And once those words were said, for the first time, that’s when it stopped.

I stopped praying for you.

I’m ashamed to even be writing this. I am overly guilty for it, though. I thought God had already shown him to me — we would live happily ever after. Well, that “happily ever after” ended about two and a half months ago. And I can say, peacefully, I’m glad it did. We’ve both moved on, he’s dating a very nice girl (who ultimately makes him happy), I’m happy where I am — without the past two and a half months I would not be in this growing season in my life. I am learning to rely on God more and more. (And scoping out coffee shops has been fun, too!) 

I’d like to say I’m sorry. This came to my attention after a conversation with a dear friend this past weekend, that I did stop praying. She simply said, Meg you cannot give up. Keep praying because he is out there. If it’s God’s will that you be with the man of your dreams then it will happen. You cannot take control of your life, for your own timing.

Shoot, I really needed to hear this. I needed to be reminded that I don’t know the plans that will unfold for my life, I need to have faith that that guy (you) is out there.

So, I’d like to say that you are back on my mind. You are daily consuming my prayers and that I have faith that God is doing some great things in your life. In His timing, we’ll meet. 

With love,

Meg