what a relief.

"O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it." — Psalms 139:1-6 I read this today, and I thought, what a relief it is to know that You are the wonderful God that You are?! I mean, to really think about it: "You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar." Shoot, You're this almighty Being that gives a hoot about me! I should be thanking you every second of everyday for this. I should be more than excited to spread this love you provide for me. And yet I find myself lacking in this very thing. Here I am, more concerned about a mistake I made a month ago, that's already done and over with, some thing that I cannot change or rewind or even want to mention again, and I should be more thankful and gracious towards the fact that You forgave me. You, out of the grace in your heart, forgave me! I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I'm struggling with this "situation", again, when I know I should put it past me. [It's called the past for a reason]. God, I need your help. I cannot do this alone. I find that in the most strange times, like walking down the dark streets of campus, thinking about a January night in 2010. The memories flood my mind. It's overbearing and that's when the emotions sneak back in. I hate that they do, because I am in the healing process. I'm in the process of moving on, despite what I really want to do. But God, I read this passage and am reminded of Your love. "You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me." God, in the midst of feeling alone or feeling defeated, I am ever thankful for the reminder that You are always there. You are the one that provides my happiness, not something that's fleeting. You are the One that needs to fill this "emptiness" within me. And I'm thankful that I was reminded of that tonight. It's a relief that no matter what You're going to be there. Thanks for this reassurance! -meg