being proud of the worn out.

Do you have that bible that you take everywhere? The one you stick in your backpack, in your purse, shove into the backseat of your car, to small group and then to church? It’s coming apart at the seams, there are sections of pages that could fall out at any turn of the page, there are notes from the past five years or more, it’s over flowing with bulletins and handouts. 

My bible is starting to become that bible. It’s starting to become the one with notes in the margins, where I have come across a verse in two different stages in my life, and I’ve had to differentiate the notes by two different colored pens. Where I have to be careful that the index cards don’t fall out, from the small groups I’ve been to, or that the one or two handouts/bulletins don’t fall out. 

And I found myself thinking to myself, this afternoon, as I went over the scriptures at how much I do use my bible. I’m not saying this to boast or to try and portray that I am better than you because I use my bible more; I certainly am not.

But that’s where sometimes my pride takes over. I sit next to someone in a small group and they say flip to 1 Peter chapters 3 & 4, for example. Boom. I’ve got notes and underlines and brackets filling those pages. I glance over to the person next to me and they’ve got maybe one or two things underlined. And then this horrible thing happens. I think to myself, I must be better at studying the bible. Say what?! This could be a sin. {maybe?} I use my mind to pretend to slap my wrist, like shame on me. How do I have the audacity to think this? Am I a horrible person for thinking this? 

That’s where it got me thinking. I’ve got this bible, one that I’ve had since being baptized a few years back. It’s filled, pages crinkled and binding coming undone. I ask myself, am I still using this to study or as a way to show pride? Do I continue to bring this bible to church to show off at how much I use it? 

Then I ask myself, should I transition into another bible and begin my journey again through the passages? I can still use my other bible at home for personal study, but if it distracts me and causes me to be prideful I need to leave it at home. I feel bad for admitting this, but it’s the honest to God truth. I can’t be proud of the worn out bible, in order to try and show myself off. 

It’s time to start a new chapter of my life with a new bible.