My sweet Daughter,

honesty is what I ask of you.

to get down to the deep hurts.

to allow me into the rough.

accept that you need me.

that I am enough for you.

that you are enough for me.

I enjoy taking on your yoke.

so that you may take on mine.

un-satisfaction leads to dependence.

so let go & let me in.

break down & move those walls.

all I ask is for your all.

carrying your cross each day.

but that shouldn’t be a burden.

if you allow me to carry it with you.

it will be a joy.

let me be your joy.

I don’t need your hand, I just want it.

honesty is what I ask of you.

via

thankful for those days.

I will be quite honest with you. I was a bitter young lady, this morning. I was grumpy, tired, and a concerned soul. 

Waking at 3:00am and not being able to pass the “almost asleep” stage.

My good friend isn't talking. He has been on my heart and I’m concerned for him, but he’s the type who locks all emotion up in him and doesn’t budge. I’m the kind who likes to help when “problems” arise, and not being able to is troubling sometimes. 

But I have since gone on a run; the kind of run where you run and just keep running. Your mind carries you and you reflect and simply think. 

And it got me thinking, I don’t have control over this life of mine, nor his. I have this tendency to like to have control over certain things {which is surprising because of my care-free attitude towards most of life}. And I realized I don’t. God ultimately has control and it’s a bitter battle between He and I. 

But in this run, my attitude switched, recognizing all I have to be thankful for. And I am thankful for the listening-ears that He’s provided, and the willingness to listen when appropriate. I cannot push one to talk, so that I can get satisfaction in helping them. I need to have the opposite motive. I need to want to listen, because I want to listen, not so that I can feel better about myself; like another “gold star” for me.

Moreover, I’m thankful for the discovery of new things. Be it music, quotes, people.

As I posted the video, “You Don’t Know How Lucky You Are,” I realized I truly, in it’s truest sense, don’t know how “lucky” I really am. I posted yesterday about being experienced, and I got a kind note from a dear friend. She stated something like being content in where you are and being able to find “experience” in the everyday things. It rang close to home for me. I can travel fifteen minutes away, in two different directions, and be in two different states.

Shoot, how could I not experience something glorious out there? I’ve got to recognize and appreciate what I have, for all it’s worth. By doing so, I believe I could become more experienced — and if not experienced, than definitely thankful.   

So, thank you. Thank you to Him for bringing light on the subject, in which I am having difficulty with. I’m in a much better place this afternoon

being proud of the worn out.

Do you have that bible that you take everywhere? The one you stick in your backpack, in your purse, shove into the backseat of your car, to small group and then to church? It’s coming apart at the seams, there are sections of pages that could fall out at any turn of the page, there are notes from the past five years or more, it’s over flowing with bulletins and handouts. 

My bible is starting to become that bible. It’s starting to become the one with notes in the margins, where I have come across a verse in two different stages in my life, and I’ve had to differentiate the notes by two different colored pens. Where I have to be careful that the index cards don’t fall out, from the small groups I’ve been to, or that the one or two handouts/bulletins don’t fall out. 

And I found myself thinking to myself, this afternoon, as I went over the scriptures at how much I do use my bible. I’m not saying this to boast or to try and portray that I am better than you because I use my bible more; I certainly am not.

But that’s where sometimes my pride takes over. I sit next to someone in a small group and they say flip to 1 Peter chapters 3 & 4, for example. Boom. I’ve got notes and underlines and brackets filling those pages. I glance over to the person next to me and they’ve got maybe one or two things underlined. And then this horrible thing happens. I think to myself, I must be better at studying the bible. Say what?! This could be a sin. {maybe?} I use my mind to pretend to slap my wrist, like shame on me. How do I have the audacity to think this? Am I a horrible person for thinking this? 

That’s where it got me thinking. I’ve got this bible, one that I’ve had since being baptized a few years back. It’s filled, pages crinkled and binding coming undone. I ask myself, am I still using this to study or as a way to show pride? Do I continue to bring this bible to church to show off at how much I use it? 

Then I ask myself, should I transition into another bible and begin my journey again through the passages? I can still use my other bible at home for personal study, but if it distracts me and causes me to be prideful I need to leave it at home. I feel bad for admitting this, but it’s the honest to God truth. I can’t be proud of the worn out bible, in order to try and show myself off. 

It’s time to start a new chapter of my life with a new bible.