the words are just pouring out of me..

[journal entry from January 2011]

"I wrote this over two years ago & I was re-reading through my collection of love letters to my future husband, bible studies, prayers, etc. and I was reminded of the wonderful God we have.
In the book "When God Writes Your Love Story" it says, 'God invented the concept of faithfulness before the beginning of time. He was the ultimate model of pain-filled patience and purposeful waiting. With tears in His tender eyes, even now, He waits for some of us to finally let Him have His way in our life. When you finally arrive at His open palace gate, He will run to you and embrace you and whisper in your ear, "You my child, were worth the pain-filled wait!"'

Dear ____________________,
I hope you read that slowly and were able to process that. I'm not knocking your intelligence, but I am hoping that you know the pain God goes through for each and every one He created. He went through that and said that to me when I had yet to be a child of His.
Think of those words...
now I want to let you know that this is what I am going through. I wait for God's plans to unfold for my love life. And I long for the day when I know for certain whom I am going to marry. That day won't come until the ring is on my finger--because God is amazing and powerful and I do not know His plans for my life.

I want to tell you that I am going to start writing more letters to you [my future husband]--I've been slacking in that area of this journal, recently. I want to explain to you that I think it's because I've met someone. I've mentioned him in here many times, but I still don't know God's plans--I know my plans, which is to marry him, but like I said before, God has the final say. [I keep telling myself to get over him, that he is just a good friend, a best friend...to have God send the person I will love for the rest of my life, into my life. I think He did 2 years ago...] So, from now on I am going to continue to try to write these letters to an anonymous person, as hard as it might be.
I'm going to try, also, to be more mature in my writing. I just feel as though my letters before were, I don't know--don't get me wrong, I meant every word I've said, I just want to go to a deeper level. I am going to fill you in on my journey with singleness, dating, boys, and most importantly God.
This journal is to be given to you, my dear husband,on our honeymoon. So you can be a part of my life journey, at least from the past two years. I want you to know things that I may not have remembered to tell you, or felt that they were too hard to talk about. I love you with ALL of my heart. -Me"

Song that was playing while writing this, that gives hope for the future.
"Plans for us" by Jenny and Tyler

"Tears in eyes because she wonders where her gift has gone|
fear's in sight because it seems that they will not return|
we're far from home and we can't seem to find a decent reason|
why the One we call our Love would put us in this season|

we can make believe like we are satisfied|
we want to taste and see the plans You have for our little lives|

plans for us to prosper, far away from harm|
You will come and answer, when we pray to You our God|
plans to give us hope, a future in Your arms|
You'll be found by us when we seek You with all of our heart|

You gave this song, You give us so much and we do not know why|
trust in You is all we can do, trust that You'll provide direction|
these songs we sing seem vain because the waiting takes more time|
patience give to us, O Lord, to wait until You guide|

we can make believe like we are satisfied|
we want to taste and see the plans You have for our little lives|

plans for us to prosper, far away from harm|
You will come and answer, when we pray to You our God|
plans to give us hope, a future in Your arms|
You'll be found by us when we seek You with all of our heart|

we were angry with You, said You'll pull us through|
and I'm told it's not Your fault; You haven't moved|
but still I can't find even a glimpse of You|

we can make believe like we are satisfied|
we want to taste and see the plans You have for our little lives|

plans for us to prosper, far away from harm|
You will come and answer, when we pray to You our God|
plans to give us hope, a future in Your arms|
You'll be found by us when we seek You with all of our heart|

trust in the Lord our God| "