The 20's Project

So, I am stealing this idea from a very good friend of mine, L. She is someone I admire and am so very thankful for her friendship.

This project is what I am calling “The 20’s Project”. This is where I am making a list of twenty things to do in my twenty’s. Seeing, as I am starting a year behind, it may make it a bit more challenging, but I want to “give it a whirl”.

Note: each item can only be dependent on me. I cannot put something on the list that makes me dependent on someone else [i.e. marriage]. Also, this will be an ongoing list. I don’t have everything that I want to do in mind, yet, and some items may change. So, bare with me! As something is accomplished on the list, I will edit the item to a bold/italicized font.

1. Read the entire bible.

2. Ride a motorcycle

3. Skydive

4. Get a full-body message

5. Memorize an entire chapter of the Bible

6. Backpack part of Appalachian Trail

7. Order breakfast in bed room service at a fancy hotel.

8. Run a half marathon

9. Vacation in Montana

10. Visit 5 National Parks

11. Visit NY City

12. Travel to Europe for 3+ weeks

13. Smoke a cigar (or pipe)

14. Go to a Sara Bareilles concert

15. Visit Anna in California!

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

love suffers long

i’ve been in the wilderness for far too long.
You showed me who You are, You proved Your faithfulness to me, You fed me and gave me sweet water to drink but i would not allow myself to be satisfied. i complained and moaned and groaned against You. i forgot who You were. i forgot what You did. what could have been a short journey became prolonged because of myself, so i’ve walked in constant circles.

but now i see this has been the sweetest place to be.
after all the shortcutting and running away and running in circles the last couple years i finally understand.
i now find myself surrendered at Your feet, finally trusting in You. the sin is being filtered out day by day, the walls of my heart are being broken down, my eyes are being enlightened to all that You are doing. and though i’ve learned, i am still learning. learning to lean not on my own understanding. learning to trust in You. learning to place my hope in only You. learning that only You will satisfy this heart.

and it’s because of Your love and grace that i can even have a glimpse of the promised land…that i have this hope of newness and growth and intimacy with You.
all because love suffers long.
because You suffer long.

{via http://unworthyofhisgrace.tumblr.com/post/16001646887}

i have an obsession and a dream that feeds it.

with office supplies. i know, i know. it’s terrible, but i seriously get a high when stepping foot into a staples. there’s something about it that just makes me … happy.

i get overjoyed at the purchase of new sharpie pens, post-it notes, planners, journals, tabby-stick-on-things, folders, etc. you get the point.

and when i don’t have money, don’t worry, i can still feel the same excitement just by walking into the store. just the opportunity for organization. my mind goes on overload. and secretly i think this love for office supplies, was the drive for me wanting to become a teacher. just think! i can decorate and organize my own classroom, in due time. [oh, and the love of children was a HUGE factor!]

i cannot wait to have the bookshelf behind my desk, with fabric bins—bins filled with supplies. endless supplies of pens, colored pencils, markers, sharpies, dry-erase markers, and staples, the paper bins that hold the children’s homework and the bins that are specially marked with crisp, white labels. and the drawer organizer that holds the more “valuable” pens [in reality, they’ll just be sharpie pens, in a variety of color].

i look forward to being able to have a desk calendar and the thrill that everyone secretly has deep within them, to write on a white board. i look forward to grading papers, when i know that i’ll dread doing so in months after starting this dream job. i am ecstatic to be able to sit in front of my third-graders and read to them after lunch, before starting on the afternoon assignments. i can’t wait to decorate bulletin boards and write out name tags for each child.

but more importantly, i am giddy to no end, about the fact that i’ll have the blessed opportunity to make a difference in a childs’ life. to teach them and help them become the young adult that they have potential for. my dream is to reach those children, to be their favorite teacher—but not just their favorite teacher because i can be fun, but because i “got them”. it’s my goal to let them know that i understand them. i haven’t been the best student, i’ve had my fair share of difficulties in school [including learning obstacles that i’ve had to overcome.] and the teachers who didn’t take the time to get to know me and help me, they weren’t my favorite. and with this knowledge of struggles in school, i don’t want others to suffer from that. i want to be the one that “got them.”

[but i’m still super excited about organizing and decorating my classroom.]

mentally exhausted

it’s like the entire semester decided to hit me, today. and work is chaos, but good [just really tiring at times]. boss man gets back from his vacation, so i’ll be putting in quite a few hours next week [back up on files, currently]. thankful, but tired.

i've got so much on my mind, and almost no way to let it escape. i want to talk but it just doesn't come up in conversation with people. or maybe i just need to write about it here, more. i do better at writing my expressions and how i am feeling, than talking about them. i suppose it's some God-give talent.

childcare at the other church tonight, then i’m coming home, pajamas will be put on, i’m going to crawl into bed and watch Parenthood from last night and fall asleep. it sounds perfect & amazing, right now.

happy wednesday. xo meg

p.s. prayers would be appreciated. i'm doing some challenging and new things at my church with two special education children. i'm starting to love them dearly, and i can see the difficulty they have. it's like they have no control over their actions, but i'm supposed to help them. i'm supposed to help them not hit others, scream at others, to help them just want to do the craft, or eat snack with others. prayers that God grant me grace and strength to deal with this. i just need to love on these little boys.

Pearl Harbor

A day to remember.
The Pearl Harbor Prayer

Lord, we come to You on bended knee,
heads bowed and our hearts filled to overflowing
with so much grief for the many people who have
been injured and killed in our National crisis.

We ask you Lord, to give courage
and strength to those who so bravely
go to their aid. And though their hearts will
be heavy and filled with sorrow we ask Lord
that You give them the endurance needed
to help them through this difficult task.

Please give us the strength Lord,
to get through each difficult and devastating
day that faces each of us and our country.
Protect and guide our Military that
are now being called to duty.

We ask Lord, that You guide the leaders
of our great country in their hour of decision.
The burden that has been placed on their
shoulders during this crisis is overwhelming.
We ask that with Your infinite wisdom You
guide them gently to the right decisions.

And lastly Lord, we ask that You
allow us all to come together as a Nation,
to stand tall and united, so that we might
help each other in our hour of need.

Amen

A Rambling of Such.

I need a change. I'm longing for something that I'm not quite sure that I know what it is. It's a mystery and it's tearing me apart. I can be perfectly content on most days, but then there are these days, days where I realize that this doesn't last forever.

Life is short, and it just seems to be getting shorter as the minutes pass on the clock. I'm a junior in college, and the time has flown by. I have two more years to complete my dream job: to work with children. There have been many ups and downs on this road, and I'm sure there will continue to be. I have been short-changed by my university and I'm counting the days until I can get out of here. I'm tired of working my way to becoming a teacher, and I just want to be there. I want to have my own classroom and to love on the kids I receive as students.

Life's been great, for the most part.
I live with my family (parents, 2 brothers and twin sister) at the home I've lived in since I was 4 or 5 years old. I'm blessed to have a family that I love and get along with (99.9% of the time). But then there are days, weeks, or even months where I long for that independence; that separation from my family. Not that I don't love them or want to be with them, but I need to have my own time. It's a hard feeling to explain. But I want my own place, I want to be able to come and go as I please and not plan it around the entire families schedule. I feel like I am in high school, still -- but I am 20 years old. But if I express my feelings, and that I want this independence, my parents will say, "Fine, but you have to pay for everything, you have to cover your car insurance, your cell phone, your food, your portion on electricity, etc." And you see, I don't have the income to do that. I work at most 18 hours per pay check (for Cardio Kinetics, Inc. I work about 5 more hours a week doing childcare)...not because I don't want the hours, but because I can't manage to work more with classes. I can't just give up on school, when I've come this far.

It's basically win-lose situation. And right now, I'm losing.

And then there comes relationships. My best friend, Matthew, is probably one of the best things that's happened to me in a while. We have our "moments" but he's always there for me. He loves me unconditionally, and he knows everything there is to know about me. Here's the catch, though, he lives 1500 miles away (in Montana). It's hard sometimes, I'm not going to lie. It's excruciating to live day in and day out with the one you love, not there in arms reach. To have to juggle your schedule to try and make time to talk on the phone (which seems to be five minutes or less, nowadays). He's a busy guy, and then I'm busy to some extent, too. I just hope someday we can work it out that we're not this far away from each other...

So, maybe this isn't a need for an adventure. Maybe it's me, just needing to be satisfied with what I have in my life. Maybe I need to start being wiser and saving up to accomplish my goal of leaving the house and getting a place of my own. I don't know. I pray the answers come in time...for now this is a smattering of words strewn across the web.

spreading the word.

“It is written, ‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.’” [NIV]

it is a darn shame that some people just don’t understand, they don’t know, are naive, and just won’t listen anymore. i’ve seen so much controversy as of late, about believing in Him and that people are pushing their religion on others, etc. i understand that some people just aren’t ready to hear about the Truth, but don’t be rude to those who are trying to share the Good News. we [us, christians] are doing what we’ve been told, to spread the Gospel.

Romans 10: 14-17

“How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” But not all the Israelites accepted the good news. For Isaiah says, “Lord, who has believed our message?” Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.”

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my friends, we are simply just doing what we’ve been told. my apologies to those who have a skewed version of Christianity, and who view it simply as just a “religion.” it is so much more. it’s a relationship with the only Perfect Being. who doesn’t long for a perfect relationship? my apologies to those who have heard about God, through the Gospel being “shoved down their throat.” that is not how I wish you would’ve heard it. [however, some are taught that way & may not know better.]

it’s a genuine story about love. and my prayer is that one day “every knee will bow and every tongue confess.” until then, i’ll be doing my part in sharing the greatest Story of all. i’m planting the seed and praying God helps make it grow.