Balancing Opposite-Sex Friendships

My dearest twenty-one year old girl,

This letter may come as a hurtful surprise to you, but please, keep reading.  I know that right now you don’t understand boundaries between a man and a woman.  You’re not even sure yet why, when and how they exist.  And right now you’re naive to the fact that in friendships, emotions and pasts and physical touch can be confusing and messy and lead down hurtful roads.  You’re a “guy’s girl”.  We all know one—the kind of girl who thinks that most women on this earth except for her are catty and jealous and can’t be trusted.

There’s a reason why, right now, I’m referring to you as a “girl”.

There is an unhealthy balance in seeking out more friendships with the opposite sex than your own.  Let’s be honest—guys and girls were made opposite sexes for a reason, and it wasn’t to just be friends.  Is it possible to maintain friendships with each other? Absolutely.  But we should learn our limits in those friendships, especially in those crucial teens and twenties when we are figuring out ourselves and the world around us.

Darling—no man, no matter how good of a friend he is to you, should be the one you confide in about all the turbulent places this world will take your sweet heart and mind.  He cannot be your validation when your self-esteem has been challenged, and he will not be able to speak into those inherent longings inside you that only a woman would understand.  Remember that who you need to be filled with is the One who made you, not the one standing in front of you. 

While you are not responsible for the choice a man makes to lust, don’t intentionally drive a man in your life to do so.  And if you find out he is struggling, don’t bring him down or punish him.  Encourage him to seek help and show him grace.

That guy you’re talking to whose heart is wrapped up in or committed to someone else?  Take a step away, love.  Offering parts of yourself to someone who can’t offer anything back will only hurt you in the long run.  It is not up to you to change his heart.

Be wary of what you post online and how much of yourself you’re letting the world in on for free.  Those photos of yourself and the guys you’re with do not do justice to the heart beating inside of you.  Think of everything you want to give your future husband and don’t give those things away to people who aren’t him.  When you meet that man who you want to spend the rest of your life with, you’ll want him to trust you with other guys and know he is getting all of you.

Now here’s one you’re really not going to want to hear— If one of you in an opposite sex friendship is dating someone, don’t spend ample time alone with each other.  And don’t seek out the wrong kind of relationship advice from your opposite sex friends.  You know the type—when you really only want to hear what will validate you and not what is best for everyone involved. 

Love your brothers as Christ would—equally and unconditionally.  Respect their hearts and the place they are in, but show the same care and give the same encouragement to all.

If one of your friends is struggling, walk with him in encouragement, love, and lack of judgment, but also direct your friend to mentors, counselors and disciplers who have the wisdom and experience to establish long-term help.

Recognize spiritual warfare in one another and pray against it.  Fight for each other’s hearts in Christ.

Seek out other ladies.  Surround yourself with strong women who have been there and done that, or who can speak true feminine wisdom into this season of your life.  Don’t boast in “men just understanding you better.”  Men and women were not created with the same hearts.  Cherish the femininity in yours and find good women to share it with.

And remember that you are worth so much more than what you’ve already lost.  Your God is the Father of redemption, and you are one of His delivered.  Let your friendships with the men in your life reflect that always.

Love,

Yourself, four years wiser

[Because sometimes the very words we need to hear are our own]

via Shannonicole

The 20's Project [update]

All Sons & Daughters.

All Sons & Daughters This duo couple are my new favorite band. Take a listen to their very real, inspiring, chill, music. You will not regret it. xo meg

what a relief.

"O LORD, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it." — Psalms 139:1-6 I read this today, and I thought, what a relief it is to know that You are the wonderful God that You are?! I mean, to really think about it: "You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar." Shoot, You're this almighty Being that gives a hoot about me! I should be thanking you every second of everyday for this. I should be more than excited to spread this love you provide for me. And yet I find myself lacking in this very thing. Here I am, more concerned about a mistake I made a month ago, that's already done and over with, some thing that I cannot change or rewind or even want to mention again, and I should be more thankful and gracious towards the fact that You forgave me. You, out of the grace in your heart, forgave me! I'm almost embarrassed to admit that I'm struggling with this "situation", again, when I know I should put it past me. [It's called the past for a reason]. God, I need your help. I cannot do this alone. I find that in the most strange times, like walking down the dark streets of campus, thinking about a January night in 2010. The memories flood my mind. It's overbearing and that's when the emotions sneak back in. I hate that they do, because I am in the healing process. I'm in the process of moving on, despite what I really want to do. But God, I read this passage and am reminded of Your love. "You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me." God, in the midst of feeling alone or feeling defeated, I am ever thankful for the reminder that You are always there. You are the one that provides my happiness, not something that's fleeting. You are the One that needs to fill this "emptiness" within me. And I'm thankful that I was reminded of that tonight. It's a relief that no matter what You're going to be there. Thanks for this reassurance! -meg

The 20's Project

So, I am stealing this idea from a very good friend of mine, L. She is someone I admire and am so very thankful for her friendship.

This project is what I am calling “The 20’s Project”. This is where I am making a list of twenty things to do in my twenty’s. Seeing, as I am starting a year behind, it may make it a bit more challenging, but I want to “give it a whirl”.

Note: each item can only be dependent on me. I cannot put something on the list that makes me dependent on someone else [i.e. marriage]. Also, this will be an ongoing list. I don’t have everything that I want to do in mind, yet, and some items may change. So, bare with me! As something is accomplished on the list, I will edit the item to a bold/italicized font.

1. Read the entire bible.

2. Ride a motorcycle

3. Skydive

4. Get a full-body message

5. Memorize an entire chapter of the Bible

6. Backpack part of Appalachian Trail

7. Order breakfast in bed room service at a fancy hotel.

8. Run a half marathon

9. Vacation in Montana

10. Visit 5 National Parks

11. Visit NY City

12. Travel to Europe for 3+ weeks

13. Smoke a cigar (or pipe)

14. Go to a Sara Bareilles concert

15. Visit Anna in California!

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

love suffers long

i’ve been in the wilderness for far too long.
You showed me who You are, You proved Your faithfulness to me, You fed me and gave me sweet water to drink but i would not allow myself to be satisfied. i complained and moaned and groaned against You. i forgot who You were. i forgot what You did. what could have been a short journey became prolonged because of myself, so i’ve walked in constant circles.

but now i see this has been the sweetest place to be.
after all the shortcutting and running away and running in circles the last couple years i finally understand.
i now find myself surrendered at Your feet, finally trusting in You. the sin is being filtered out day by day, the walls of my heart are being broken down, my eyes are being enlightened to all that You are doing. and though i’ve learned, i am still learning. learning to lean not on my own understanding. learning to trust in You. learning to place my hope in only You. learning that only You will satisfy this heart.

and it’s because of Your love and grace that i can even have a glimpse of the promised land…that i have this hope of newness and growth and intimacy with You.
all because love suffers long.
because You suffer long.

{via http://unworthyofhisgrace.tumblr.com/post/16001646887}

i have an obsession and a dream that feeds it.

with office supplies. i know, i know. it’s terrible, but i seriously get a high when stepping foot into a staples. there’s something about it that just makes me … happy.

i get overjoyed at the purchase of new sharpie pens, post-it notes, planners, journals, tabby-stick-on-things, folders, etc. you get the point.

and when i don’t have money, don’t worry, i can still feel the same excitement just by walking into the store. just the opportunity for organization. my mind goes on overload. and secretly i think this love for office supplies, was the drive for me wanting to become a teacher. just think! i can decorate and organize my own classroom, in due time. [oh, and the love of children was a HUGE factor!]

i cannot wait to have the bookshelf behind my desk, with fabric bins—bins filled with supplies. endless supplies of pens, colored pencils, markers, sharpies, dry-erase markers, and staples, the paper bins that hold the children’s homework and the bins that are specially marked with crisp, white labels. and the drawer organizer that holds the more “valuable” pens [in reality, they’ll just be sharpie pens, in a variety of color].

i look forward to being able to have a desk calendar and the thrill that everyone secretly has deep within them, to write on a white board. i look forward to grading papers, when i know that i’ll dread doing so in months after starting this dream job. i am ecstatic to be able to sit in front of my third-graders and read to them after lunch, before starting on the afternoon assignments. i can’t wait to decorate bulletin boards and write out name tags for each child.

but more importantly, i am giddy to no end, about the fact that i’ll have the blessed opportunity to make a difference in a childs’ life. to teach them and help them become the young adult that they have potential for. my dream is to reach those children, to be their favorite teacher—but not just their favorite teacher because i can be fun, but because i “got them”. it’s my goal to let them know that i understand them. i haven’t been the best student, i’ve had my fair share of difficulties in school [including learning obstacles that i’ve had to overcome.] and the teachers who didn’t take the time to get to know me and help me, they weren’t my favorite. and with this knowledge of struggles in school, i don’t want others to suffer from that. i want to be the one that “got them.”

[but i’m still super excited about organizing and decorating my classroom.]